Between working from home, working out from home, having a good walking route with Ginger from my home, unless it’s the grocery store, I barely leave the house.
Yesterday was an anomaly. I went to three stores. Each had their own “incident”.
Bed Bath & Beyond:
We all get bombarded with their coupons. I’ve never once given them my address and yet somehow, they find me. I swear their coupons are the first piece of junk mail to come each and every time I’ve moved. I hoard them in my car so they’re always with me when I actually need to go there (fyi: they totally don’t adhere to the expiration dates. I used one from last August yesterday). Yesterday, I needed a new scrub brush (Ulysses broke ours trying to clean a muffin pan), a new spatula and a new over the shower caddy thing. 3 items and 3 coupons in my car. Destiny. Or so I thought. I had two $5 off coupons and one 20% off a single item coupon. Turns out you can’t combine the $5 off ones with the 20% one. So I said “ok, do two separate transactions then”. Makes sense, no? Bitch looked at me, VISIBLY rolled her eyes, sighed and said “are you really that cheap?” I KID YOU NOT. Apparently, I’m just a target for unbelievably rude comments lately. Usually, I’m pretty witty and quick on my toes with stuff like this. This time….I had nothing. My response was something like “um, can you do 2 transactions or not?” Lame. I’ve replayed that conversation and all the things I could’ve said about 58 times since.
Lowes:
Now that we’re past the frost (I hope), I was on a mission to at least get my herbs planted before leaving for Napa on Wednesday. So I walk into the garden center pushing one of those lumber carts since that was the only cart left and make my way to the potting soil. I load a 50 lb. bag onto the cart and then aimlessly push it around looking for the potted herbs. They’re nowhere to be found. So I ask the cash register person and she says they’re out in the front (past the outside checkout area). Oh, ok. I start pushing my cart with the potting soil outside to go get my herbs when she says:
“Um, where do you think you’re going with that?”
Me: “outside, to get the herbs I just asked you about” (totally confused at what the issue is).
Her: “well, not without paying!”
Me: “you want me to pay for the potting soil, then go outside and get the herbs, come back in here and pay again?”
Her: “yes.”
Me: “why the hell are the herbs OUTSIDE of the paying area to begin with?”
Her: “I don’t make the rules” (picture head swaying, lips smacking, and finger pointing all at the same time)
Me: “You’ve got to be kidding. I’m clearly not running off with this potting soil in a friggin lumber cart! I just want to simply add the herbs to my cart and come back in here and pay all at once.”
Her: “You do what you like miss, but I’ll call a manager if you push that cart outside.”
Me: “Go ahead.”
All I could think about was the scene in Father of the Bride with the hot dog buns. I was George.
Luckily, I didn’t end up in jail having to apologize to my spouse through bars before getting bailed out and the manager (who she did call) basically put her in her place and agreed with me on the ridiculousness of the whole situation and the placement of the herbs in the first place.
And since that wasn’t enough action for the day, I made a final stop at Target.
Target:
No crazy employee interactions here just the pathetic, saddening fact that I think I’m the only person on this planet that walks in there and cannot for the life of me, find anything decent to wear that looks mildly appropriate for my age. I TRY to spend money in there and just can’t. I know some people would wish for this dilemma but being on the other side of the spectrum I can assure you it sucks. I want to buy a bunch of cheap clothes and cute outfits but every single time I head to that dressing room, I walk out empty handed. It all just looks like 12 year old clothes on me. And so I left with a cheap pair of sunglasses, a t-shirt and the realization that I will not look cute in Napa next week. But I’ll most likely be drunk the whole time so it probably won’t matter.
All this to say, I’m better off staying home, holed up in my kitchen, talking to my dog and making almond butter and jelly smoothies.
They don’t talk back or make me feel fashionably challenged.
Almond Butter and Jelly Smoothie
Ingredients
- 3/4 cup almond milk
- 1 heaping tablespoon almond butter
- 1/2 scoop vanilla whey protein powder
- 1/2 frozen banana
- 1 tablespoon strawberry chia jam, or any flavor regular jam you have on hand
- 2 tablespoons ground flax seed
- 2 tablespoons plain greek yogurt
- 1/2 teaspoon vanilla extract
- 1/4 teaspoon almond extract
- Handful of ice
Instructions
- Combine all ingredients in a blender and blend until smooth.
Nutrition
Nutrition information is automatically calculated, so should only be used as an approximation.
Gina Matsoukas is an AP syndicated writer. She is the founder, photographer and recipe developer of Running to the Kitchen — a food website focused on providing healthy, wholesome recipes using fresh and seasonal ingredients. Her work has been featured in numerous media outlets both digital and print, including MSN, Huffington post, Buzzfeed, Women’s Health and Food Network.
Made this smoothie this morning minus the jelly and it was awesome! xoxo
I always get that eye roll w hen I ask for separate transactions. Why do they bombard you with coupons if they don’t want you to use them when it’s convenient for you?!
What ever happened to “the customer is always right”???! That’s craziness, I would’ve walked out and gone somewhere else out of principle! Or…at least I like to say that I would’ve ;)
The perfect sandwich in a smoothie, I’ll say YES!
OMG I literally laughed out loud reading this post. I hate when stupid, rude people ruin your shopping experience, but hooray for the manager at Lowe’s putting that employee in her place. I hope that you’re drunk the whole time in Napa. It’d be a shame if you weren’t.
I find BB&B to be really hit or miss, although when I bought my Vitamix there, the cashier gave me an extra $100 off…just because. That was pretty awesome.
I cannot shop at Target for clothes. I want to, but I just never find anything other than sports bras that actually fit/seem like they won’t disintegrate after one wear. I’m the same way with stores like TJ Maxx, although that has more to do with the shopping experience there. I can’t handle digging through everything, the fluorescent lights, bad music. It stresses me out.
Yes, yes and yes! I cannot stand stores like TJ Maxx either. So much chaos in there, ugly lighting and usually horribly slow employees. I just can’t do it.
This is a great reminder of why I hate to leave the house! I think my husband and I are slowly becoming hermits. Amazon Prime is a life saver, lol.
But, man, I would have told the manager at Bed Bath about that comment! SOOO awful!! And I totally know what you mean about Target. It’s like they have clothes for older women and then teens and there is nothing for everyone in between!
This smoothie looks so good! I would have needed to add some booze after a day like that! Have fun in Napa! My husband and I got married in Sonoma and wine country will always have a special place in my heart!
While reading this post I had a flashback to you trying to take an apple through customs in the Bahamas.
ha! Oh the bahamas….can we go back, please?