When we thought we sold our house a couple of month’s ago, we slowly started selling furniture we weren’t really attached to and knew wouldn’t really fit in the place we were supposed to buy. One by one, the Craigslist characters came out of the woodwork and bought it. 2 weeks before what was supposed to be our closing and our home pretty much had a couch, a kitchen table, our dining room and bedroom set left. That was it. All the knick-knacks were packed up and the surfaces they used to reside on, gone.
I’m a pretty much all or nothing kind of person. I’m either in full on “don’t care” mode and or “150% balls to the wall, let’s get this shit done” mode. I chose the latter for re-furnishing the house much to my credit card’s dismay and have spent the last month stalking sites like Wayfair and Overstock and ending up in Homegoods 2-3 times a week. The employees are starting to recognize me and I’ve become so familiar with their inventory I think I’ve figured out their shipment delivery days. My next quest is to figure out the schedule of the stingy manager who never marks anything down when it’s clearly damaged and pisses me off because really, who is going to buy that decorative teal crate at full price when a slab of wood is hanging down needing to be re-nailed?! Biatch.
So I ordered a new foyer table from Wayfair about a month ago. It was rustic and distressed and exactly what I was looking for. A week later, it arrives, I open the box and find one of the drawers in 2 pieces, one part completely ripped off the other. So I call them (their customer service rocks by the way), they’re very apologetic and I’m told a replacement drawer will be sent out. In the meantime, we assemble the piece and Ulysses glues the drawer back together for a temporary fix. About a week later, I check the tracking info for the drawer and see that it’s shipped but FedEx is claiming the package to weigh 92 pounds. Um, that’s one heavy ass drawer. It gets here the next day, and lo and behold, it’s a whole new table. At this point, I’m thinking they must want me to return the old one (kind of a pain in the ass considering the logistics behind taking it apart, putting it back in the box and lugging a 90+ pound package to be shipped). So I open the new box and guess what? SAME DRAWER (the 2 drawers are different colors) is messed up. This time it looks like someone (or thing) literally took a bite out of it. I call Wayfair back, tell them the story and we find out this warehouse doesn’t do replacement parts so they just ship new pieces without any expectation of returning the original. At this point I’m offered a refund or an attempt at a 3rd piece. Stupid me should’ve just taken the refund for $400+, dealt with a glued together drawer (because honestly, how often do you open the drawer of a foyer table?) and called it good with pretty much a free piece of furniture. But no, I said ok “send me another one!”.
That third one came yesterday. Good news is it’s in perfect condition. Bad news is, I now have 3 of the same 65 inch long table in my house with a husband who thinks it’s awesome and wants to put one in each room to “furnish” the house while I try to explain to him a foyer table is NOT the same as a dresser for a guest room and we need to sell these things on Craigslist.
So while he stubbornly assembled the third one and put it in the guest bedroom “temporarily” I made this slow cooker balsamic pulled pork and polenta.
And then refused to share any with him until he agreed that we sell the extra ones. I won.
- 2½ pound boneless pork loin
- ½ teaspoon kosher salt
- ¼ teaspoon ground pepper
- 3 cloves garlic, minced
- ½ teaspoon smoked paprika
- ½ teaspoon cumin
- ½ cup chicken broth
- ½ cup balsamic vinegar
- 2 tablespoons brown sugar
- 1 tablespoon soy sauce
- 2 cups milk
- 2 cups water
- 1 teaspoon kosher salt
- 1 cup polenta (corn grits)
- 1 tablespoon butter
- ½ cup grated cheddar or monterey jack cheese
- ½ avocado
- ½ cup plain Greek yogurt
- 2 tablespoons cilantro
- juice of ½ a lime
- salt & pepper
- Combine the salt, pepper, garlic, paprika and cumin in a small.
- Rub on the top of the pork loin, pressing into the meat.
- Whisk together the remaining ingredients in a small bowl, pour into the slow cooker.
- Place the pork in the slow cooker in the balsamic mixture and cook on low for 6 hours.
- Remove the pork once done, shred with two forks and place mixture back into the slow cooker, tossing to absorb all the juices.
- Bring the milk, water and salt to a boil in a medium sauce pan.
- Once boiling, reduce to a simmer, slowly add the polenta and stir for about 10 minutes until thickened.
- Add the butter, cheese and season with more salt as needed.
- Combine all the ingredients in a food processor and process until smooth
- Place the polenta on the bottom of a bowl, top with pork and a dollop of the crema. Garnish with cilantro and more cheese.